Two days until the National Day of Action and we are not quite ready!

In two days time, the Primary School I have been working with is going to have a 15 minute assembly for the whole school to introduce the Grade 4’s campaign for the Lets Stand Together - National Day of Action Against Bullying and Violence. Then the Grade 4's will be running sessions for each grade.

In the space of 4 weeks we have created a campaign board in the corridor and two different lesson plans  - one for the older kids, and one for the younger. Our slogan is:

Stand up for Friend CHIPS!

Caring - Helpful - Include  - Positiveness  - Smile 

For the last four Tuesday afternoons Sam, the Principal,  and I have worked with the Grade 4 cohort on this project, drawing them out of their usual classes. Although we had a sense of what we wanted to cover, the material has very much been emergent. We have listened to what has come out of the student concerns,  their suggestions and their misbehaviours!  We have learnt a lot about what is important to them, how they frame what can go wrong in relationships and how they see solutions. 

The project has had the following stages:

LESSON 1 - Orientation

Valuing the positive - What makes friendship?  Sam showed some up-beat music videos about friendship as an opener asking students to reflect on what makes friendship.

What do you do or how do you talk to friends? Sam put students into pairs of one girl and boy and they worked together to create wonderful posters of friends talking or doing things. 

When students did a world café style rotation around the class to value-add  each other’s drawings a couple of kids drew or wrote inappropriate things. This provided material to look at the feelings of the students affected (shocked, disgusted, sad) and for me to reflect on how to model the restorative approach I would like students to be able to take.

Framing up the project – Grade 4’s leading a program for the whole school around building good relationships. We told them that there was an opportunity for what they developed to also be used nationally. Students very excited,  in particular in running lessons for the GRADE 6’s!.

LESSON 2 - Tuning into Issues

Community of Practice guidelines – How will we work together on a sensitive issue? students brainstorm and I add privacy and right to pass.

Tuning into feelings – dramatic exercises. 

This went completely pear-shaped – students not sticking to their assigned groups, moving to friendship ones, then changing again, some students without a group, then being silly, loud, not listening, being rude. I then used  “I messages” about feelings – “I am not happy, I am shocked at this behaviour – let’s sit quietly and remember we are here to explore how to build good relationships… ” It provided a wonderful segue into the next bit. Later I reflected on whether this showed the natural habitat of fraught friendship relationships – like musical chairs, in this game there will always be students without friends standing alone.

What do we hope for? – How can we build good relationships when things go wrong? What does each person hope for to get a good outcome?

This was the BIG IDEA to get the sense that we need to have good outcomes for everyone. Using the example of people writing inappropriate things on others’  drawings, students came up with a list of what they would hope for if they were harmed, and if they were the one who did harm. This was a serious and thoughtful discussion where students shared times when they had done things wrong and how they felt and what they wanted for it to feel right. I thought this was the pearl of learning.

What do we hope for when things go wrong? 

The person who has been harmed in some way hopes for:

I would like honesty by the person who did the harmful thing – I would feel better if they owned up 

If I don’t know who did it, I would like to find out – there should be an investigation 

I would like the person who did it to say that they won’t do it again 

There should be a consequence for the person who did it

 The person who may have caused harm hopes for:

I don’t want to be blamed, I don’t want to get into trouble

If I wasn’t aware that I caused harm, then I would like to be told – so I know

 I would like an opportunity to explain, to apologise, to fix it.

I would like help by others when it is too hard to fix, especially when I feel sick and worried and can’t see what to do. 

I would like to feel that people like me again

Naming the issues - Brainstorm what can wrong for relationships such as sister/brother, teacher/student, friends, teams, parent/child, peers. 

The students created a very interesting list of issues which you can see here. Bullying came out several times, and habitual fighting a major one in families.

What are you personally concerned about? Write a personal letter of concern to the Grand Pooh Bah unicorn of Wiseness. (a puppet) 

I was keen to get some indicator of their concerns and issues so this could be a basis to work from.  I thought also these would provide a useful resource for parent discussion. There were some very thoughtful and empathic letters and some silly ones. Even though we had considered a variety of relationships and issues that could go wrong,  at least half the students wrote of problems with friendship. There was only one letter specifically about bullying. Sam and I then used these letters (and their indicator of emotional maturity)  to decide how to allocate the students to the two groups to work with the different grades.

What students were concerned about:

Breakdown of a friendship group – people fighting or upset. Not a happy place to be. Being right in the middle of it. Confusion over whose side to take. Wanting to get things back to how they used to be.

Feeling left out – no one cares for me. Being excluded from activities. Trying to make friends. Wondering if something is wrong with me. Wanting to have a friend I can trust for life.

Bullying – having constant fear it could happen again. Wanting to feel safe and no need to think about it.

Friends moving away – feeling sad, hoping they still think of you. Wanting to see them and connect with them again.

Being concerned for a friend who is acting different  - is something wrong? What can I do to help?

Reputation – how others see me – Doing something wrong in front of people and having them think you are horrible, even when you have put it right. Wanting forgiveness and to be seen as a nice person. To feel normal again.

TRIBES reflection- students held the unicorn puppet and reflected on what they had learnt. Some very thoughtful things. Some students passing and then asking for the unicorn back.

LESSON 3 – Coming up with Ideas – Student ownership

Brainstorming ideas  for the campaign - Sam was keen for a whole school activity that encouraged people to be positive and say something positive about others. The students brainstormed ways to make this work. The students also brainstormed some general ideas for the lessons - Gender balance in presenters, mix groups so not friendship, read book, scenario for bullying. We then broke  into two groups and let students explore possibilities.  (Logos, games, reading a story, dramatic scenes.) 

My group spent some time in a committee meeting format brainstorming how they could create a dodge it ball game with mean red balls and positive white balls, each person building on another in a very excited way.  This seemed like a completely different group to before – appreciative of the opportunity to come up with their own thing. It started running around in circles a bit so I suggested we have a break and then ran a couple of dramatic milling exercises (look at someone and smile, look away, discuss how that made you feel) and some freeze frames. 

One boy then asked if they could work in friendship groups to come up with their own skits. “Sue, it would go a lot better if you didn’t try to direct us and just let us come up with something in our friendship groups.” The students put on their skits to each other. In a closing circle they said this lesson was the best, it was awesome, they were excited but scared about running lessons for others. They were very pumped. It seemed like I had handed them over the keys to their learning.

EXTRA DAY – task completion

Creating the campaign board –  I came in last Friday and Sam said we were beyond student ideas and needed to give them specific tasks – so to pull small groups out of class. I had up to 12 students coming into the art room during the day at any time, and a number volunteering their time over recess and lunch to work on posters, logos and 3D objects. They asked to stay, they were so keen.  There was a terrific energy and commitment about the day - I guess this is not something they usually experience - the real sense of collaborative effort to a deadline.

I had a sense of what could go on the board based on the work they had already done, but the students when presented with the empty board or what others were doing kept making terrific suggestions.  

The centrepiece is  that every student in school to write a sticky note where they say something positive about another person. LOGO – FriendCHIPS – Caring, Helping, Including, Positive, Smile. Students suggested a bowl of chips with words on the “chips” to remind people to be positive, caring etc. We ran out of time to put it up but students stayed behind holding up posters and really keen to see the whole thing through. There was an enormous amount of ownership and excitement.

This day was an opportunity for me as an outsider to relate to the students in a completely different way, gave time for desultory but very important conversation about bullying, anger and meanness. I asked a few students what was it they wanted to change at the school and they said MEANNESS. 

Students would like to see less MEANNESS and more friendly behaviour.

My group of students were also very keen to put on their skits, and then when got feedback asked for time to practice them in their groups without direction from me. It showed me how important it was for them to feel they had control and could improve things themselves.

LESSON 4: Task oriented

Developing the lesson plans – building on student ideas, giving some structure, practicing, developing further, rehearsing, listening for the emergent understanding. 

Within my half of the Grade 4's each group had created a little dramatic skit, but had yet to see how it might sit in an interactive lesson. One pair had one boy punching another who was down, then PAUSED, REWIND and PLAYED a new version of helping. A group of girls, excluded a girl in a mean way, then NEXT DAY the girls recognised that they were mean, felt bad about it, and went over to the girl, apologised and she said in a very forgiving way “lets play”. 

Another boy demonstrated a conversation to make friends. And the last group showed a bullying situation over food, but the others didn’t think it was mean enough and wanted it to be meaner. It was very interesting seeing these as an indicator of what the students had picked up.

I could see the potential for these skits to be broken in half,  with a narrator asking the audience to come up with what they thought could make it right. Then the actors could show what we thought could make it right. So I suggested that we did that for the four scenarios and the students got it straight away. 

I guess I took on the role as the director, though everyone was making suggestions and creating their own characters. One boy acted as narrator for three of the skits. And he found a mantra – a shortcut as a result of doing it again and again – 

“That isn’t right. 

What do you think they are feeling? 

What could make it right?” 

I think what he created is the essence of a restorative approach with very simple formula. The hothouse of the dramatic moment seemed to create this. We all felt a bit under the bump to get the sequence to flow, the narration to work and to ensure all the performance issues of sound clarity, facing the audience were being met. I was worried I had taken away some of their ownership and there were periods where students who were not acting were restless, but when I suggested they broke into smaller groups there was a period of energised silliness around the classroom and they all came back to central mat where the narrator was practicing.

The last scenario was the most difficult with five characters - a ‘bully”, a person being bullied and three bystanders. For this scenario we were going to show a solution that was not helpful – the three bystanders going up to the ‘bully”, saying “bully, bully, bully.” Then the narrator would say that this isn’t right and ask the participants to go into groups and come up with a solution that could make it right. They could then act it out. 

Our solution was going to be, at my suggestion,  the bystanders going up to the bully and saying “That’s not right, what could you do to make it right.” But no matter how much we practiced it, one of the bystanders  said accusingly “That isn’t right. How do you think he feels? You need to give it back! You need to apologise!”

What is wrong with this? 

Well, in a restorative approach telling the bully what to do is not helping to break the cycle of power dramas. It is important to give him control. I guess my blinding insight a day later is that saying calmly to the bully “That isn’t right. What do you think XXX is feeling? What could you do to make it right?” the mantra of our narrator, is actually the restorative way – giving control to the bully on what they do to fix things. I realised later that the task for the audience is to come up with a solution that is right for everyone. This is something that the group is still developing an understanding about. Understanding such nuance is a big ask for Grade 4’s, yet they are so close. 

The narrator said he would look at writing some notes to help him - we need to fit in the bully definition and have yet to work through how we will set up the other activities that we want to do. I decided I needed to write a script based on what we had developed - afraid that the words that they had come up with might get lost. I am not sure if the students will use it. I think that the students have created something that will work really well on video for classes around Australia to consider.  It is very hard running lessons and capturing what happens via video and photos while you are doing it and I am keen to get some behind the scenes interviews with some of the students to find out their thinking. Could this be done by a school without outside help?

EXTRA REHEARSAL - tomorrow

NATIONAL DAY OF ACTION – action and implementation - Friday

Assembly, lessons, media invited to the school, take video

FOLLOW-UP – maybe the week after next

Reflection, getting feedback, deciding what next, videos?

Engaging Grade 4's to explore how to build good relationships

In this post I reflect on the first lesson with the Primary School Grade 4 class. Something surprising happened right at the end that enabled significant learning.

Aim of lesson: to orient a class of primary students to a project where they lead the school in building capacity and awareness around building good relationships.

After thinking about the logistics of which class to engage with this project, the Principal, Sam, decided on working with the Grade 4’s. They come out of their Grade 3/4  and 4/5 classes each Tuesday afternoon to work with him. We decided we would team teach. We saw the first two sessions as fairly teacher-directed to help students gain an experience of the topic before opening up to their creativity and greater direction.

For the first session we had the intention of orienting the students to the project through focussing on the relationship of friendship and finding the positives about good friendships.  If we had time we intended to look at other types of relationships and the things that could go wrong with a relationship.

Setting the scene:

The combined class sat on the mat scrunched up with the grade 3’s in front of the interactive whiteboard. Sam showed 3 music videos about friends – Count on Me, You've got a friend in me from  Toy Story, and XXX – and some kids even sang along. After each video he asked students to reflect on what made a friendship. I was impressed at how articulate they were and their ability to pull out key concepts – trust, looking out for each other, it doesn’t matter what you do - your friend will be there. However,  there were some boys who were fidgeting and seemed less engaged.

Then I introduced the bigger project – "We are looking at how to build good relationships in the school and would like you to be the leaders in this and take other classes to celebrate a national day of action on the 20th March." Hands went up immediately  - “Are we going to lead the grade 6’s?” and there was a little trepidation/excitement about that.

Sam explained the next activity was to work in pairs to create a picture of two friends showing what good friendship was. Students would then write down the sort of things that help a friendship – how you might greet someone, smiling, type of conversation, what you might do. He then separated the girls and boys in two lines, put from lowest to highest height and then paired them off so that they would work outside friendship groups. What was interesting was that as soon as student pairs started drawing their characters and working out what to write they started having a real conversation with each other to find out more about each other. And then they captured this conversation on the drawing. Some also wrote more abstract ideas. Some wrote keys to explain the type of activity – movement, smiling, etc. I wonder how obvious all these things are to young kids? Do some need more practice in learning how to socialise with new people?

We then got the students to share their drawing with another pair and discuss. They could write down ideas that they got from the other pair on their drawing. Then we put the drawings in a big circle and each group moved around to another drawing for about 1 minute each. We invited students to respectfully add something to the drawing of another pair if they felt it was missing something or they could value-add it. A check-in with the students showed they were nervous about giving over control to others on writing on their work so we reinforced that it needed to be respectful. They did this about 4 times before coming into a closing circle.

Sam watched for a while and said he was really pleased with the way the students were doing this activity – it was the first time they had experienced it. Then he was called out of the room.

The surprising learning moment

I pulled the students into a group on the floor for a closing reflection and asked what they noticed as a result of doing the activity. There were a few comments, then one boy said “I notice that some people don’t think the same way to me.”

“Oh,” I said, thinking this was a great comment, and thinking about the value of an exercise that helps students to see different perspectives.

Then  another person said the same thing.

“Can you give an example?” I asked.

“Well,” said the boy, "Someone has written on my sheet,  'You’re not a nice person.' I don’t understand why they would think that would help to make a friend.”

“And someone has written something similar on mine.”

“And mine.”

“And this person has made my person vomit.”

Deep breath. “Ah,” I say,  thinking fast about what it might mean to use a restorative justice approach here, “That isn’t very nice. That is not respectful. How do you feel about having that on your work?”

A girl who is not affected starts by giving me an abstracted impression of the situation. I ask her to pause and say in another way. “What might be one word to describe your feelings now – those that are directly affected?” The first boy says “Disgusted.” Then others say – sad, disappointed, sick, angry. I notice one boy, who I suspect might have done it, shifting around.

I then say, “Perhaps who did it might like to own up, if not now, later.” And wondering if I am using the right language. Sam comes back in the room and I summarise for him and the students again. He looks at the class and reinforces this is not a good thing, it isn’t respectful behaviour,  and that he will wait after class if anyone wants to come forward. The boy who I suspect,  does come forward, and explains  to Sam that he didn’t know that the others would take his actions that way. I wonder if he really doesn’t know. What is his capacity for empathy? Did hearing the students speak about their feelings make any impact? What was the value of this for the class and how to follow up?

It is interesting that a situation like this can put you on a spot or can be turned around into a learning moment. In reflecting on the language I used, I realise that we all bring a whole lot of language and baggage to the words we use and that moving to and modelling a restorative paradigm for each interaction is something one has to practice and be vigilant about.  I build on this with the students in the following lesson by asking them to reflect from the perspective of those harmed and the one who harmed - What do you hope for?

What would you hope for as a positive outcome for these students in this circumstance?

How to provoke deeper conversations about bullying?

The cartoon story video above looks through the perspective of a boy on the cusp of being a bully after one moment of violence. He is in danger of being labelled a Bully, ostracised and enculturated within unwanted patterns of behaviours. 

This story aims to provide the viewpoint that the Principal of the Primary School wants parents to consider - What would you want to happen if your child was the bully? 

It is partly inspired by a conversation I had with a Grade 5 boy some years ago who talked about having red evil eyes glare at him whenever he shut his eyes (after he attacked a group of boys who were calling his sister names), and partly by a video I saw of a boy who talked about his transformation from a Bully to a normal person again.  He explained how his heart had been numb - he couldn't feel. He felt friendless and alone. He was turned around by being included and making friends.  

I sent different versions of the little video out to my networks over the weekend and got very useful suggestions back. (These included trauma and abuse counsellors, youth worker, victim of domestic violence, educators, lawyer, parent, teenagers.) 

It is interesting how people who are in the professional space and know the different paradigms and approaches like having a range of scenarios. However, my single parent audience thought it had too many scenarios that were alike - did not understand the nuance.

The professionals were also very particular about the words that are being used. For example, a key aspect of restorative approaches is that it gives control back to the person who might be designated as "the bully" - addressing a key reason of why they are doing it in the first place. So there is a difference between saying - "Billy, I know you are hurting, so is Joel. You need to make it right." and "Billy, it seems to me you are hurting. What do you feel you need to do to make things OK?"

There were a few women who had been victims of abusive partners and felt they had fallen into the trap of thinking they could help their partner - so stayed far longer than they should. So they were concerned about the fairy tale notion of the beautiful princess turning the beast into a prince. For kids being trained by family relationships during their formative years into the abusive partner role, what could a school community do to help break these cycles?

My teenage audience were very engaged, and said it made them think about the story behind why people might do things and to think again before labelling people too quickly. 

What was interesting is how many conversations have been generated by it. 

The process has reminded me (Tips for students creating videos):

• How important it is to get continuous feedback from a variety of professional and interested voices - Is the info right? What does it provoke in audience? 
• It is only when you start doing it, that all the nuances start to show themselves - lifting to higher understanding. 
• The process is going to take several iterations. 
• Keep the format/style simple so the message is clear. 
• Don't give one answer - scenarios help people to open to other possibilities

When we say NO to Bullying, what are we saying yes to?

When we say NO to bullying what could we be saying YES to:

• Safety
• Respect for each other
• Friendly places
• Emotional and social intelligence
• Empowered students
• Ubuntu - I am because we are
• ???

Sam, the Primary School principal and I met the first week of term 1 to discuss our next steps in designing a parent workshop and how we might involve the Grade 4/5 class as leaders. Sam brought over the map of the seven inquiry model with his highlights and his workshop design. It is a little rough, he said. Then he explained his thinking.

It is about good relationships. How to build good relationships. Not just about friendship, but any type of relationship. Our aim is to develop a whole community approach to developing good relationships between all our members. That is what we are saying YES to. That's what I want to focus on. And not just at the individual level, I want us to think about this as something that improves what we are as a society.

I don't see this as a one-off workshop for parents. I see this as a whole year focus for the whole school. Yes, we run a workshop (or more) for parents, but we don't rush it. What I would like to see on March 20 is a day about how to build good relationships. The grade 4/5's might like to come up with a name, and they might come up with lesson plans that the whole school might use on that day to promote good relationships and actually lead those activities. They will need to experience something like it first.

Now part of those lesson plans might include:

• what does a good relationship look like, what do we value about them, what types of relationships?

• what  do they think could go wrong (and bullying would be one of those things - use definition to help clarify)?

•  what ideas do they have when it goes wrong, what do we want to happen at the end?

• what ideas do they have to promote good relationships? 

This will fit into the values work that all our teachers do. Our values include care, respect, good team player. We will use the ideas of the students to promote good relationships during the year.

I think we should use the March 20 national day as a launch to advertise to all parents the Parent Workshop. We can put teasers into  the newsletter  - e.g. dilemmas, questions, tips (e.g. what does good listening look like.) The Grade 4/5's can help with that. Also we still want the 4/5's class to provide inputs to the Parent workshop to help parents to think through the issues.

For me, it was like something had opened, flowered. I felt such a sense of relief. This felt like something that was built on solid ground- it had integrity, meaning and depth. With the right wording I hope it could act to inspire students, speaking deeply to their need for belonging and generosity.   It was practical and related well to the ethos of the school and the intelligent parent body. Hopefully it would help rather than be an imposition on teachers. Further, I imagined that the lesson plans developed for the National Day of Action, would be a useful addition to the Bullying. No Way! resources and  could be used by other schools, meeting our national obligation for the project funding. 

The plan for the parent workshop was beginning to take shape:

1. Introduction to the project - the national funding and purpose. To develop an approach that could engage the whole school community in exploring approaches to bullying. How the school had decided to approach the issue.
2. Explore together what it means to build good relationships. (Use collective wisdom of the group.) Where and how do students learn their skills? Role of teachers/parents/others? What hinders and why? (Bullying part of a range of dysfunctions. We will focus on this.)
3. Bullying clarification - definition. Consider hypotheticals to see if definition fits. Grade 4/5's to provide some examples.
4. What outcomes do we want when things go wrong? (e.g. not ostracised, opportunity to learn.)
5. What processes can we use to get there? World cafe (people rotate around tables each with a theme) exploring three approaches, asking what are advantages and disadvantages and looking at implications for individual and for society. 

• Hierarchy of consequences,

• Method of shared concern (friendly chat to structured process), 

• PREVENT, PREPARE, RESPOND, RECOVER. 

Next step is to discuss with the Grade 4/5 teacher - and come up with a way of working with the class. 

What do we need to consider when engaging parents in a difficult issue such as bullying?

Often when pressured with deadlines and outcomes it is easy to get right down into strategy - What we will do? Sometimes that is OK, but when there is complexity and conflict of views I have found the 'Seven ways of inquiry' process by Henderson and Kesson to be very helpful. These seven unique lenses represent different ways of thinking/feeling/relating with issues. They also work holistically together. Please do not be put off by the Greek names, rather use the questions as prompts for reflection.

Below is my map of  trying to capture the thinking and dilemmas of Sam, the Primary School Principal as well as my own. As Sam and I discussed it together we also added thoughts. The question behind the map is:

What do we need to consider when engaging parents in a difficult issue such as bullying?

Techne? 

How do we do it?

• What is the process we will use to engage parents?
• What is the form of the outcome of this? (Policy, protocol, awareness, champions?)
• How do we communicate it in a way that engages and empowers other parents? 

Phronesis 

Drawing on everyone's practical wisdom. Asking why. Going into deeper understandings of what is happening.

• How can we tap into parent's wisdom about positive parenting and social and emotional development? (e.g. building relationship with their child, skill building, praise.) What processes do parents already use when their children face dilemmas? 
• How do we enable time for parents to explore/discuss the reason behind bullying dynamics in order to understand why? (eg. power issues, identity, fear, role, home issues, peer culture.)
• How do we encourage different parents to build an expertise and bring information to the group?
• How do we help parents to build a bigger picture of where bullying sits in their own words and narratives? (For example, our narrative might be: Bullying is just one of several unhealthy relationship dynamics, that students can become trapped in, feeling powerless to change.)

Praxis

Critical Inquiry.  Challenge assumptions. Question how this process itself might set up power inequities between participants.

• How does this process help participants feel empowered?
• What assumptions or worldviews are we bringing through focussing on the issue this way - eg. stop bullying approach versus positive behaviour approach.
• What processes can we use to surface everyone's assumptions in a caring and respectful way?
• What assumptions do we think parents might bring? (My child is not a bully. Bullies need to be punished. It doesn't happen here. Tackle the issue when it happens. The school is responsible to fix it. The school isn't taking this incident seriously enough. Bullying is bad. I have taught my child to stand up for herself.)

Dialogos

Enabling different perspectives to converse. 

• How can we collect diverse positions and value them, and put them in conversation?
• Whose voices? (students, teachers, parents/carers)
• Whose roles? (Bully, victim, bystander, carer, teacher, counsellor, siblings, friends, principal)
• How can we help participants walk in another's shoes? (bringing mind, heart and soul)

Poesis

Soulful attunement, integrity, wholeness, creativity

• How in this process can we be mindful of participant's feelings and work with integrity?
• In whatever policy/approach that is created, how do we ensure that all players can come out whole, feel a senses of growth and integrity, and not feel diminished/blamed/shamed.
• How can we keep in mind the larger wholes here? This is not just about fixing a problem for individuals, it is something that contributes positively to the fabric of society. 

Theoria

Contemplative Wisdom. Linking to purpose and vision of what education is about.

• How can an issue like this link into a purposeful curriculum of life? (For example, each incident is an opportunity for social/emotional learning. It is welcomed as being part of our core business of learning and child development. It is not seen as a distraction.)
• How might thinking about what we need to do in terms of PREVENT, PREPARE, RESPOND, RECOVER enable us to see how this fits more strategically within our curriculum? For example, thinking about PREVENT might encourage us to develop pedagogies for more collaborative learning, with greater student agency.

Polis

Public Moral Inquiry. Making visible underpinning and possibly conflicting values. Moral responsibility.

• What responsibility does each stakeholder have? Eg. Each parent has a responsibility for every child.
• What values do we want to underpin the school's policy? Eg. Restorative (no child should leave the school) vs punishment. What happens if Restorative doesn't work?
• How can we tease out the various merits of different positions? What do we agree on?

Sam and I spent 30 minutes exploring and discussing the elements of the map, testing whether we had captured his concerns and thinking, and also what it opened up in terms of possibility. A key "break through" was the framing of bullying as part of a spectrum of relationship dynamics, enabling it to be linked to the school's core business in a positive way.

Sam said once he got over the Greek names he found the 7 lenses very logical and useful - and it was helpful to see the whole picture and how they interacted. He found one section - phronesis, considering the wisdom of the parents  - an important perspective that he had missed. He said if we were to take into account all of it, there is no way we could do this with a parent group in 1.5 hours. So we framed this as a touch-stone - something to help our thinking - and inform the design of the parent workshop.

We both had homework  for our next meeting - Sam to design the parent workshop, and me to consider how to engage the Grade 4/5 students in a transforming leadership role.

Why is it important to define bullying? What can we learn from using an integral lens?

There are many resources on the web about bullying and all have slightly different definitions.  The Safe Schools Support Framework has developed definitions for each age group. (eg. Grades 5 - 9). Most definitions that you might see include the following aspects. 
Bullying is:

·         repetitive

·         intentioned

·         physical, emotional or social behaviour (including on-line)

·         causes harm to another

·         in situations where there is a power differential

·         the “victim” feels powerless

·         can be overt or covert

Bullying does not include one-off events or aggression/conflict between those of equal power. 

Not all definitions specify that the bullying has to be intentioned to cause harm.   However, in some states in the USA this is part of the definition in order to link in with legal processes which rely on demonstrating intent.  These states have passed laws to mandate specific actions that schools must take.

For example, New Jersey law requires principals to investigate every incident of bullying within one school day, and complete a formal report within 10 days that must be submitted to the superintendent within 2 days of completion. Results of the investigation must be presented to the school board at the next regularly scheduled meeting. Students in Georgia who are found to have bullied others for a third time are sent to an alternative school.

Posted by Justin W. Patchin on September 3, 2013, http://cyberbullying.us/unintentional_bully/

There is also specific language around bullying that is used in some approaches but not others – “the bully”, “the victim”, “the target”, “bullying behaviour.”  I wonder, does the way we define or think about the issue lead us into particular ways of dealing with it?

When dealing with complex issues where there seem to be conflicting positions I like to bring different theoretical lenses to help articulate the different mental models and approaches people might be bringing. The following is one of the lenses of Integral Theory where each quadrant represents a different way of considering experience.

IT Quadrant

When we consider bullying as an unwanted behaviour (IT quadrant) then a response approach might be on naming it up, ensuring everyone knows it is not OK and stopping it. The school may have a set process for reporting and intervening, with a hierarchy of consequences or punishments for “the bully”. Bystanders can play a powerful role in naming the behaviour and stopping it. A preventative approach could be how to make the school's physical environment safer – consider isolated zones, remove crowding around lockers, teachers on duty. How to make on-line environments safer - code of ethics, parental supervision, student training in cyber-bullying.

I quadrant

If we consider what motivates “the bully” (I) and why they might need to control others, put people down, or exclude others we might see a range of issues such as boredom, low self-esteem, identity issues, not realise their impact, reacting to stressful life circumstances, betrayal or suppression, repeating patterns that are done to them, psychological trauma, or developmental roadblocks.  Response approaches include working with the person who is bullying and their family to help them to address causes, as well as working with the person who has been harmed to help build up their resilience.  Whole school  preventative  approaches  can include delivering emotional literacy programs for all students to build up self-esteem, self-awareness,  and empathy.

ITS Quadrant

When we see bullying as an unhealthy relational dynamic or power/energy drama (ITS) between two or more people then we might ask what starts and sustains the dynamic. What assists the development of more healthy dynamics? For example, one response approach is “Bully Blocking” which helps  “the target” understand the game and remove the “wins” for “the bully” through adopting certain behaviour.  The method of shared concern does not name the dynamic as bullying, but rather enables the participants and others to find ways to restore a more healthy dynamic. A psychodrama approach sees the person doing the bullying and the the person being bullied both as "victims" in a drama that has captured them both.

If we see bullying as part of spectrum of relational dynamics, then prevention measures may focus on helping children build better relationships and greater social literacy.  This might include developing everyday processes for dealing with dilemmas, unhealthy dynamics or conflict, such as using conflict resolution skills.  Such dilemmas would be seen as learning opportunities for social and ethical development. Parents could engage in everyday non-blame conversations where children can admit to dilemmas/mistakes, take accountability, apologise to those impacted, restore if needed, take learnings and then move on. Given that bullying is about power, the school could also look at their pedagogy and see how they might be giving opportunity for student choice, agency and control.

WE quadrant

If we consider the culture (WE) in which the bullying takes place, then we may see that the normative behaviour – “how we do things around here,”  “everyone does it” - such as teasing, put downs, physicality, cliques,  jokes on mates, blame and shame  - may support more intentional and malicious bullying incidents.  The line between everyday behaviour and bullying is blurred. Schools may have clear values such as safe, respectful, friendly, caring schools. However, there may be a gap between what is happening and what is espoused. Further, in an effort to stop bullying, schools may set up a culture of “blame and shame” which can act to reduce reportings of incidents  as it becomes too onerous for those who have negative experiences.

Preventative approaches often include awareness-raising that seeks student commitment to cultivating positive school cultures through explicit actions (such as smile to others, include people in your groups), with positive reinforcement by students and teachers.  For example, an approach to challenge discrimination and harassment behaviours might create opportunities for students to experience and value diversity, understand the construction of identity and stereotypes that can lead to exclusion and recognise their power in creating the environments they want. Mindmatters is an example of a whole school approach to cultivating a friendly school culture. 

Active bystanders become very important in modelling the preferred behaviour, helping to shift the existing culture and providing safe intervention if needed.

An integral approach?

An integral approach would draw on all four quadrant lenses.  Many of the approaches articulated above are complimentary.  Some of the preventative measures address different aspects of Maslow’s human needs – need for safety (no fear), for belonging (inclusion, friendship and love), for self-esteem (respect and mastery), for self-actualisation (agency, self-awareness, meaning). However, some approaches are coming from different philosophical stances which can be counter-productive if used together. In developing a whole school approach perhaps there needs to be careful testing of the alignment of various approaches and paradigms with the school ethos. 

• What processes need to be in place when an incident occurs, and what preventative approaches are needed? 
• How are the approaches evaluated for effectiveness, and how can continual learning happen? 
• How are parents engaged?

Professor Donna Cross, in a workshop to Tasmanian Principals, said that many anti-bullying strategies have been in place over the years and now evidence is coming in about what does and doesn't work. Where efforts are made to build up resilience of those likely to be bullied, what has been found is that while many of these children are now better equipped to avoid bullying situations, there are a group of children who do not avoid it, and are targeted even more. She says that this strategy is not enough and recommends a whole school approach, including transforming culture, training students to be active bystanders, considering the physical environment, using method of shared concern and reflective listening, and engaging students in the issues and coming up solutions.

We are focussing here on bullying. Should bullying be the driver of developing a whole school approach? Are there other ways of looking at it?

• The  National Safe School Framework is a whole school approach to help create safe schools with 9 steps for leaders to consider.
• The Tasmanian Respectful Schools Framework provides schools with a range of models, processes and check lists that promote respectful schools.
• The Friendly Schools initiative, developed by Professor Donna Cross to address bullying, provides a whole school approach that enables schools to identify gaps and put in place preventative emotional and social literacy programs as well as adaptive response processes with the aim to develop a friendly and safe school culture.