Challenging moments

I had my second tutorial for my first group of pre-service teachers (Tute 3) in Professional Studies today which I think was quite challenging for all of us. I layered it - entwining affective and effective agendas into maybe a far too rich torte - with perhaps too much bitterness and not enough cream.

The key focus was exploring (through discussing it and living it) "Why is reflection important in developing teacher identity?" Critical reflection is about challenging our assumptions. For the first part of our discussion we challenged what we thought we knew learning was - what it looked, like, sounded like, felt like, and what learning moments could be. It seemed to generate rich insights. But really, I would have to say, while some of us might have had some of our ideas shook up, we all felt pretty safe in doing so (though there were some heated moments of debate).

Then we had a wake-up activity provided by one student. Following this I asked everyone to form small groups and just to say:

"What I noticed about how I felt, what I was thinking as I did this activity..."

This seemed very hard for my group - everyone wanted to move out of the phenomena of the experience into judging or analysing it. It seemed other groups did too.

Then we formed discussion groups to explore the readings. The extra dimension was that each person took on a role outside their comfort zone - each reflecting aspects of the roles teachers take in the classroom:

• facilitator - to give a clear vision and purpose, guide the discussion, and weave in the different threads
• time-keeper/task-orientation - to make judgments on when to rein in discussion or let it continue - based on value of emergence versus need to meet a set agenda
• recorder/historian of learning moments - to capture the groups key learning moments as signposts of their journey and to reflect back at appropriate times to help them clarify or tease out meaning
• socialiser/group needs - concerned with ensuring everyone's needs are met, no-one dominates, all given a turn, and to manage any inappropriate behaviours
• witness of self - to notice what is happening - how they are reacting, and to be the person that reminds them to breathe when situations get sticky
• researcher - this is the person who doesn't make assumptions from body language or responses of how people are learning - they really try to find out.
  

By being able to put on one role at a time the aim was to build classroom confidence. After 20 minutes I asked the groups to debrief by a TRIBES community circle - one person has the pen and only they can talk while holding it before passing it around the group. They had to say "what I noticed from my role was..." and not to analyse or be judgmental. It helped that we had tried this in relation to the wake-up activity.

Only now do I realise how challenging this debriefing process was, and how different it was to challenging an idea that we might hold (though some people's self-identity can be deeply intertwined with the ideas they have).

Each group was confronted with having to listen to someone else's perspective about themselves and how the group operated (some seemingly good and some not so good), with some people picking up on really interesting aspects that no-one had considered. In terms of group dynamics some people found out that they dominated, that discussion was often between several people, and that some, while interesting, were leading the group off track too often.

So what is it like to hear something (that usually no-one ever tells you) which actually might challenge how you think about yourself? Is this a challenge to our own identity? How easy is it to slip into defensive mode? What does it mean for us in developing a professional capacity to be open to feedback?

I felt that the insights the groups made about the content learning as well as their learning about the debriefing was so deep and valuable. (But now I wonder if I acknowledged this enough. I certainly didn't acknowledge the fact that students were really putting themselves on the line... because it just didn't occur to me until I had a chance to reflect about it.)

To finish the session I invited comment back on my own lesson structure, some of which seemed a little negative. After talking this over with a teacher colleague I now realise the importance of asking for feedback which might be positive, negative, or interesting. When we get into a critical voice we tend to focus on what is problematic rather than all those things that should be celebrated!

I left the class feeling a bit all over the place, unsettled, energy spiky and not quite there. I was certainly not in a state of resolution. I came away wondering if I should have closed it better, helped create a sense of buoyancy like last time, or whether it was OK to leave things hanging. Especially since one of our insights about learning was about creating conditions for students to move acrosss Vygotsky's proximity gap - from curiosity, to uncomfortablity to insight.... and giving time for people to make the connections for themselves, rather than the teacher trying to tie everything up. But not making the gap too big!

Was the learning gap too big? How did everyone else feel?

Critical Reflection

On one hand I am valuing stimulating classroom experiences to promote the challenge of assumptions, yet on the other hand, at the heart of me, I am a caring teacher. I hadn't thought through the consequences of my experiments on my students - that my methods might move from challenging ideas to challenging self. I hadn't wondered if this was in the students' best interests. Is that lack of foresight or am I ethically irresponsible?

In my original planning of the lesson I had a strong intuitive need to follow the discussion with a creative activity. I didn't have time for this and I wonder whether this in fact was really important and I should have gone with my gut. Coincidentally I just received an email from an international colleague which looks at the relationship between locked-into assumptions, vulnerability and creativity. Is giving people a creative outlet extremely important after such sessions - another way of knowing and being, a form of expressing something that is yet to be seen or understood, and only in the expressing is it formed? Does it provide a celebration of the midwifery process which perhaps comes before the actual rite of passage into enlightenment?

One of my students questioned why teachers need to critically reflect - surely it becomes very tiresome after awhile. The critical practice we were engaged with in this session was very tiring. It definitely needs balance. Brookfield suggests we use the lenses of colleague teachers, autobiography, student feedback and literature sources in a process of critical reflectivity. Yes, but I would like to add more - creativity, contemplation, and asking what is whole, true, good and beautiful in what we do.

One student said she felt she got to know me this lesson. We had a moment where she was lampooning the "witness" idea: "I am breathing, Sue, I am breathing." And I was quite playful back. When I am so in my head about the agendas of the class I forget to laugh... so one of the roles we need is the laughing teacher!

I wonder what learnings everyone in the class has gained from this, and whether they will apply critical reflection or other forms of gaining insight? Perhaps they are laughing about it, in which case they have achieved teacher-mastery level 4.2.

Picture CC: Daquella manera