What some Grade 6 girls said about the National Day of Action program

It is the National Day of Action Against Bullying and Violence. In the morning my Grade 4 students facilitated a session for Grade 5/6 class using scenarios of different types of bullying. Groups had to come up with an ending for one scenario and show it to the class.

One of the Grade 4 boys interviewed six grade 6 girls in pairs during lunch.  I have collated the answers together. They make for interesting reading. 

What do you notice?

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How did you find the program?

• It was good,
• It was good and very entertaining, and it made me think about it
• great program, really pleased when I saw you guys doing it
• liked making up endings as it gave strategies we could use
• very good, because it teaches kids what is the right thing to do if you are in that situation. I liked the play but it wasn’t just about what they did, it was how they said it.
•  very good education -  tell a teacher if you have a problem and be confident

Would you want to do it?

• Maybe (hesitantly) – It would be quite embarrassing in some parts because it is funny and you have to do funny stuff
• Definitely, because it helps people be more positive and feel happiness
• yes x 4

 What would you do if you saw someone being bullied?

• Talk to him in a nice way and say “It is not cool what you are doing.” 
• You have to make everyone happy.
• Run in yelling
• Stick up for them, or help them to find a way to stick up for each other.
• Tell the teacher, try to make my friend happier, try to talk to the bully “If you keep doing this people will be scared of you, run away and you will be really lonely” (girl from group that redid their ending)
• I would stand up for my friend, tell the bully what they are doing wrong and how they can fix it, and do all the things mentioned in the bully program.

What would you do if you were bullied?

• I would ask someone who cared or who respected me, like a teacher, parent or friend. If I was injured I would go to a teacher or someone nearby and ask could you grab a teacher and say someone has just bullied me and I am injured. But if they just hurt you once that wouldn’t be bullying.
• Wouldn’t let it happen
• Strategise and think of a way that makes everyone happy. If you think of our school values then that is a good way to stop bullying.
• I would tell a teacher, talk to the bully or talk to a friend who could help me stand up.
• If they injured you and you went to hospital, that is serious, that is not a good thing, I don’t even know why people bully.

If you were a bully what would you do to not be a bully?

• I would get help and reasons why I shouldn’t be a bully
• I haven’t really thought about it. Talk to people and say “I need help because apparently I have been bullying.”

What would you do if you were a bully and everyone didn’t like you, but then you stopped?

• I would change my ways and try to make up for it
• I would want everyone to see I was no longer a bad person, because again it is the excluding thing.
• I would try to talk to the teacher and ask them to help me and start to be nicer
• I would tell everyone what was really going on, if I was being a bully, and how I was being stronger.  I would have to tell them I am sorry and explain to everyone what has happened.

What did you learn?

• Need to be right for everyone
• Right to be safe – no one should get hurt
• How to deal with situations

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Reflection

What is pleasing?

These indicate a high level of engagement and interest by those that participated. Some students are mirroring to us the key messages that were part of the presentation - it has to be right for everyone - it is important not to exclude the person who has done the harming. 

There were a couple of girls who were very articulate and show that they would be able to be engaged in deeper discussions of the nuances and take on leadership roles in this issue. 

What do the answers reveal about the complexity of the issues?

When I saw one student respond to "What would you do if your friend was bullied?"  with "Run in yelling," my initial thought was that she didn't get the restorative method. So we failed to construct her understanding of our key message that it needs to be right for everyone. 

Then I shifted into the perspective that the scenario session was a laboratory for collective wisdom and every response has an important part to tell in helping to develop deeper understanding of restorative processes that might be relevant for this age group.  I now wonder if she is expressing an immediate and very relevant emotional response of protectiveness and possibly retaliation. In developing a restorative process of dealing with bullying dynamics I think it would be important to acknowledge that these emotions might arise. The question is how do we deal with them? How do we shift them to a place where we can act from integrity? What might this look like? In the words of another girl:

Talk to him in a nice way and say “It is not cool what you are doing.” 

Also, some of the students didn't get the idea that you need to allow the person who has done something wrong to come up with their own way of making it right, otherwise they may still be reluctant and disrespectful, and seek control in other situations. 

I would tell the bully what they are doing wrong and how they can fix it.

Perhaps that is because it is regularly modelled when authoritative figures step in and "tell" the perpetrator what they have to do to make it right. "Give it back! Apologise!"  This requires considerable cultural shift in the way teachers and parents and siblings talk to each other.

The other answer that has "snags" on me was this:  

I would try to talk to the bully “If you keep doing this people will be scared of you, run away and you will be really lonely.”

This was also played out by several groups in response to the bullying scenario earlier that morning. There were some students that expressed it in an almost punitive way, whereas others in a more quiet way,  explaining likely consequences.  

I think it is  useful to help someone who is doing something wrong, not just to imagine how the other person is feeling, but also to imagine the impact on all those involved, including themselves. However, there is a sense that saying "no one will like you" is working at a transactional ethical development level where the person makes decisions based on own self-interest (I will scratch your back if you scratch mine) versus a place of doing what is right because it is fair (which is the next developmental level according to Kohlberg.) What I found interesting is that none of the students said "Stop this because you will get in trouble." Rather, they were stating the natural feedback that people will give when you behave this way. 

There are several key ideas that have emerged for me:

• When running scenarios having time for people to discuss what they liked about a response but also the bits they are unsure of, and didn't seem right.
• The development of  a restorative process  should acknowledge the importance of everyone in the drama checking in with their emotions, working through them and trying to find a place of integrity from which to act. 
• The importance of helping the person who has done harm to find that place of integrity - it may come through people reminding them of who they are (as in the Indian practice where when someone does something wrong they stand in the centre of the villagers and each one comes forward and says something positive about them,) or work with a counsellor or teacher to resolve underlying causes and deepen self-awareness and self-regulation.
• The importance of helping people to understand what it is everyone hopes for in creating a good resolution. 
• Recognition that restoration to what was before may not be possible - it may be something different, including something stronger.
• The need to listen to all the "answers" that come up in these sessions, otherwise you may be putting in place a too simple injunction that doesn't deal with the reality of what children might be experiencing.

I believe that more follow-up is needed - and this could be in several directions. There is a lot of opportunity for more social and emotional learning.

I think these students'  answers show that the scenario session made a good start in raising awareness. I would like my grade 4's to see these answers, make their own conclusions and have a deeper conversation about what might be next.