When we say NO to Bullying, what are we saying yes to?

When we say NO to bullying what could we be saying YES to:

• Safety
• Respect for each other
• Friendly places
• Emotional and social intelligence
• Empowered students
• Ubuntu - I am because we are
• ???

Sam, the Primary School principal and I met the first week of term 1 to discuss our next steps in designing a parent workshop and how we might involve the Grade 4/5 class as leaders. Sam brought over the map of the seven inquiry model with his highlights and his workshop design. It is a little rough, he said. Then he explained his thinking.

It is about good relationships. How to build good relationships. Not just about friendship, but any type of relationship. Our aim is to develop a whole community approach to developing good relationships between all our members. That is what we are saying YES to. That's what I want to focus on. And not just at the individual level, I want us to think about this as something that improves what we are as a society.

I don't see this as a one-off workshop for parents. I see this as a whole year focus for the whole school. Yes, we run a workshop (or more) for parents, but we don't rush it. What I would like to see on March 20 is a day about how to build good relationships. The grade 4/5's might like to come up with a name, and they might come up with lesson plans that the whole school might use on that day to promote good relationships and actually lead those activities. They will need to experience something like it first.

Now part of those lesson plans might include:

• what does a good relationship look like, what do we value about them, what types of relationships?

• what  do they think could go wrong (and bullying would be one of those things - use definition to help clarify)?

•  what ideas do they have when it goes wrong, what do we want to happen at the end?

• what ideas do they have to promote good relationships? 

This will fit into the values work that all our teachers do. Our values include care, respect, good team player. We will use the ideas of the students to promote good relationships during the year.

I think we should use the March 20 national day as a launch to advertise to all parents the Parent Workshop. We can put teasers into  the newsletter  - e.g. dilemmas, questions, tips (e.g. what does good listening look like.) The Grade 4/5's can help with that. Also we still want the 4/5's class to provide inputs to the Parent workshop to help parents to think through the issues.

For me, it was like something had opened, flowered. I felt such a sense of relief. This felt like something that was built on solid ground- it had integrity, meaning and depth. With the right wording I hope it could act to inspire students, speaking deeply to their need for belonging and generosity.   It was practical and related well to the ethos of the school and the intelligent parent body. Hopefully it would help rather than be an imposition on teachers. Further, I imagined that the lesson plans developed for the National Day of Action, would be a useful addition to the Bullying. No Way! resources and  could be used by other schools, meeting our national obligation for the project funding. 

The plan for the parent workshop was beginning to take shape:

1. Introduction to the project - the national funding and purpose. To develop an approach that could engage the whole school community in exploring approaches to bullying. How the school had decided to approach the issue.
2. Explore together what it means to build good relationships. (Use collective wisdom of the group.) Where and how do students learn their skills? Role of teachers/parents/others? What hinders and why? (Bullying part of a range of dysfunctions. We will focus on this.)
3. Bullying clarification - definition. Consider hypotheticals to see if definition fits. Grade 4/5's to provide some examples.
4. What outcomes do we want when things go wrong? (e.g. not ostracised, opportunity to learn.)
5. What processes can we use to get there? World cafe (people rotate around tables each with a theme) exploring three approaches, asking what are advantages and disadvantages and looking at implications for individual and for society. 

• Hierarchy of consequences,

• Method of shared concern (friendly chat to structured process), 

• PREVENT, PREPARE, RESPOND, RECOVER. 

Next step is to discuss with the Grade 4/5 teacher - and come up with a way of working with the class.